We All Fall Down
by Raye Lynne
Summary: One year ago, at the battle of Karakura, Momo watched as Tōshirō killed Aizen in front of her. She has never forgiven him for it. Can he open her eyes and find redemption? Or will they be separated forever by something that never was? COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1: Pieces of a Nightmare

**A/N: So! A new fic! Yaaaaaaay! Hopefully this will keep you HitsuHina fans satisfied while I work out my writer's block for "Oblivion". While this fic can be compared to "Oblivion" in that it switches back and forth between different first-person perspectives, this one shall have a far more simplistic writing style that moves faster, with less focus on random details and more plot and raw emotion.**

**The events described in this chapter are close to what happens in the canon, but I'm not including the Vaizaards in this one…I'm not that big of a fan, so they shall not appear (unless something changes). I also took a few other small liberties with what's already happened in the manga.**

**I apologize in advance if this chapter seems a bit choppy…I was racing to write this before the next chapter goes up, because, already, the stuff that's happened in the most recent chapters is gonna make some of this seem a bit anticlimactic:(**

**So…despite the fact that this is different from what I usually write, I hope you enjoy this fic, and please review!**

**(PS: Don't worry, my writer's block is not very serious, and "Oblivion" will be back soon! ^_^)**

**We All Fall Down**

**Chapter One – Pieces of a Nightmare**

_**Hitsugaya T**__**ōshirō**_

___I hadn't expected it to be easy. It would have been suicide to have done so. For any shinigami, going into battle means being prepared for anything, barring absolutely nothing. For a captain, this mindset is even more vital. One must never, under any circumstances, underestimate the enemy._

_But what about those on your own side? _

_What then?_

_It may have been foolish of me, but, even looking back, I'm forced to admit that nothing could have made me expect what was to happen._

_-------------------_

_Hinamori…? _

_Here, now?_

"What's wrong?" asked Tia Hallibel, either to mock me, or possibly out of genuine curiosity. "Just now, your attention shifted. What's bothering you?"

_Awfully considerate for someone trying to kill me…_

_Dammit, focus! _If I let myself be distracted, this was going to be a short fight. Despite the doubts I had, I had no choice but to ignore them. Dying due to my own carelessness would help no one.

"Hell if I know," I retorted, and launched myself back into the battle.

_**Hinamori Momo**_

___Aizen-taichō is a liar._

_Aizen-taichō betrayed us._

_Aizen-taichō is our enemy._

I'd made myself say it, but I hadn't believed it. Why should I? Why did no one but me understand that he was not evil, that Ichimaru-taichō was the one who had made him kill all the council members and made him try to kill me and Hitsugaya-kun? Why did everyone insist on being _wrong?_

I had to come. I had to protect him, and I had to kill Ichimaru-taichō and set him free. And then everyone would finally see, and Aizen-taichō would be so proud of me…

But I had to live long enough first.

I looked down at Rangiku, who was barely conscious, yet writhing in the worst pain imaginable, causing more and more blood to spill from the ragged hole where her right side had used to be.

Shaking, I faced the terrifying monster before me. Allon, it was called. It had made that hole in Rangiku with no effort at all. Surely the same thing awaited me? Maybe if I attacked it first…

I was terrified. But if I waited for it to attack me, I would have no chance at all. If I struck first…I had a tiny chance.

For Aizen-taichō, I would take that chance!

Raising Tobiume, I charged forward.

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

__I felt them slip away, one right after the other, the reitsu like candle flames pinched out but for the weakly glowing embers remaining.

_Matsumoto!_

_Hinamori…!_

I had to get to them…but I had to end this first.

_**Hinamori Momo**_

___What a strange feeling…_

It was as though I couldn't even register the pain of the hit. I only saw the blood shining on my robes, tasting it as it trickled out the corners of my mouth.

And then I was falling, and, as though from far away, I felt a sense of despair.

_I'm sorry, Aizen-taichō…_

But I was caught by a net of light, as bright as a star and as soft as a blanket. I hung slightly above the ground, dazed.

"You've done well, Hinamori-kun. But we'll take it from here."

It was Kira-kun who had spoken, and Hisagi-kun was with him.

_The lieutenants of Ichimaru- Tōsen- and Aizen-taichō, all here…all together…_

_------------_

_But that was as far as my thought process went at the time._

_**Kira Izuru**_

__I had only to look to see that Matsumoto-san was in far more immediate danger. And yet…after what I'd done to Hinamori-kun, raising my blade against her, I felt terrible to just leave her.

"Just hang on, Hinamori-kun," I offered weakly.

Somehow, she smiled.

"Don't worry about me. I'm okay," she replied.

But the whistling sound underlying her words told me she was definitely not okay. She had a pierced lung, which may have even been collapsed…

…but Matsumoto-san was so much worse…

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

__"Don't patronize me, brat," snapped Hallibel. "I haven't even revealed to you a fraction of my power."

_That's what I was afraid of. But Hinamori, Matsumoto – I have to go to them…_

_**"Bankai! Daiguren, Hyōrinmaru!"**_

_**Kira Izuru**_

___How is this possible?_

In what seemed the blink of an eye, Hisagi- and Iba-kun were lying unconscious beside me. I moved back and forth between them, fighting back my rising panic. The one saving grace was that Yamamoto-sōtaichō had defeated Allon, only to vanish into another battle, however.

I knew it would only get worse from the point. It couldn't be long before Aizen showed his face…

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

_**"Hyōden Hyakkaso!"**_

__As the snowflakes began to fall, I caught a flicker of confusion on Hallibel's face, quickly replaced by fear as icy flowers bloomed where the flakes touched her skin. In a matter of moments, she was locked in an obelisk of ice-flora, shut away from the world to die a bloodless death, alone.

I solemnly looked over the structure, as ever wary of its sinister beauty. After a moment, I turned away, replaced by new purpose.

_Hinamori, Matsumoto –_

But then the sky split open, unleashing hell from above. I felt the overwhelming wave of reitsu, and immediately realized: _The obelisk! It's incomplete—_

The ice exploded, and Hallibel flew at me once more.

_**Kira Izuru**_

__Right above us, a gaping hole had appeared in the sky.

_No, no, not now--!_

It was too late to hope otherwise; they were here. Aizen, flanked by Tōsen and Ichimaru, stepped into our midst, surveying the surrounding bloodshed with complete indifference.

The intensity of their combined reitsu, especially Aizen's was enough to force me to my knees, right next to Hinamori-kun, who was stirring weakly, trying to turn her head.

I was numb with the realization: _We're all going to die – now. It's – it's over._

_**Hinamori Momo**_

__Aizen-taichō was here…!

Maybe everything would be all right after all.

_If only I could stand up…_

_**Kira Izuru**_

I was surprised when I figure moved passed me, and completely shocked when I was realized it was Hisagi-kun, walking towards Tōsen with his zanpaku-tō drawn.

Ichimaru appeared amused, while Aizen regarded him, uncaring. Tōsen frowned.

"Hisagi…is that you?"

"You'd better believe it."

Tōsen shook his head. "I won't fight you, Hisagi. You're in no condition for a fair fight."

'Oh yeah?" Hisagi-kun replied casually, then lunged forward. He and Tōsen were spun a short distance away in a clamour of resonating steel.

Aizen glanced after them, seeming amused now as well. "I'd say that takes care of him," he commented. "As for the rest—" his gaze swept over us and I couldn't hold back a shiver of disgust and fear.

"Put these pathetic creatures out of their misery, would you, Gin?"

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

__Out of the corner of my vision, I saw Hisagi lash out at Tōsen, leaving Aizen and Ichimaru with the others at their mercy.

Gritting my teeth, I doubled the strength of my blows, making Hallibel begin to falter…

_**Kira Izuru**_

__Ichimaru was not smiling as he came towards us.

'Gin," said Aizen. He had a loathsome smile on his face as he nodded towards Matsumoto-san. "Kill her first."

------------------------

_I would never learn why Aizen gave that order. Maybe it was just a random selection to shove his power in our faces. Or maybe he and Ichimaru had had some sort of disagreement, and, having some idea of his past with Matsumoto-san, ordered hi to kill her first just to remind him who was in authority._

_Whatever the answer, I don't think anyone could have predicted what Ichimaru did next._

_----------------------_

He froze, zanpaku-tō raised. He appeared troubled. He stood there for what seemed a long time, gazing at Matsumoto-san with an odd expression on his face.

Hinamori-kun seemed to be trying to say something, but her voice was too frail and her words stumbled over themselves.

Aizen said nothing, but it was clear he was becoming impatient.

Ichimaru suddenly lowered his blade to his side and turned slowly. "I—" he started.

But he never got to finish, for, in one lightning-swift movement, Aizen drew his zanpaku-tō and plunged it into Ichimaru's heart.

I found myself able to leap to my feet with a strangled yell of shock.

Aizen paid no attention, instead jerking the blade out of Ichimaru, his eyes hard and pitiless. "I have no more use for your weakness," he said.

Ichimaru's eyes flashed open, widening before he collapsed in a growing pool of scarlet, near to where Matsumoto-san lay.

_**Matsumoto Rangiku**_

__"Rangiku…? Can you…hear me?"

_…Gin…? What's going on…?_

"I'm so…so-sorry…"

_A dream?_

"Rangiku…"

_Why can't I answer, then?_

"Rangiku…I've…I've always…"

Silence. Just silence.

_Gin? Gin? Where are you…?_

_**Kira Izuru**_

__"A-Aizen-taichō…?"

His gaze came to rest on Hinamori-kun and his eyes became cold with disdain. His wrist flexed slightly, angling his zanpaku-tō so the fresh blood upon it gleamed.

In an instant, I leaped in front of Hinamori-kun, and the blade slashed across my front from left shoulder to right hip; I staggered back and fell, the white-hot agony making it difficult to breathe, overwhelming me and forcing me into a helpless state. I could only look on in horror at Aizen and Hinamori-kun, with nothing between her and his zanpaku-tō…

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

__I slashed with Hyōrinmaru, expecting to meet resistance, but instead finding the metal biting deep into flesh, slicing across Hallibel's midriff, the blade disappearing in a curtain of blood, all but severing the Espada in two.

She looked up at me, her mouth opening as if to say something, but ribbons of blood spilled over her lips, preventing speech, and then she fell.

Immediately, I looked to where I knew Hinamori and Matsumoto to be, just in time to see Kira stagger abck with blood spraying from a deep chest wound. Now, before Aizen, all alone, was a defenseless ---

_Hinamori!_

_**Kira Izuru**_

__"You – you didn't have to do that," Hinamori-kun said quietly. "He's not loyal to Ichimaru-taichō; it's okay. And Ichimaru-taichō is dead now; you killed him! So it's okay. You can come back now."

After a slight pause, Aizen laughed. It was a very quiet laugh, very soft – and completely terrifying.

"Once again, I underestimated you, Hinamori-kun," he said, the amusement clear in his voice. "You truly are loyal to the very end."

_To the very end…_

Aizen raised his zanpaku-tō –

My voice failed me as the blade fell, but my mind hollered, _NO!_

_*CLANG!*_

_**Hinamori Momo**_

___Hitsugaya-kun?_

He was crouched in front of me, holding his zanpaku-tō over his head. It was the same position he'd been in when he'd intervened to stop Kira-kun and me from fighting…

In one movement, he grabbed me by the arm with his free hand, yanked me to my feet – and then threw me away from him with all his strength. I rolled and skidded on the ground and stopped nearly thirty feet away. Even from that distance, I could see his eyes were blazing turquoise fury as he charged at Aizen-taichō.

"Hi—Hitsugaya-kun!" I cried, but my voice was hoarse; anyway, it didn't matter, they were flying up in the air, rising higher and higher and vanishing in a clashing of blades.

_**Kira Izuru**_

__As I managed to struggle to a position on all fours, I noticed everyone, shinigami and Arrancar alike, had ceased fighting to watch the battle between Aizen and Hitsugaya-taichō. Even Hisagi-kun looked on. Tōsen was nowhere to be seen – but Hisagi-kun's zanpaku-tō was reddened to the hilt.

There was a palpavel rise in tension as Hitsugaya-taichō switched to bankai mode, while Aizen was showing no signs of even needing to switch into shikai. But there was never a second's pause as Aizen and Hitsugaya-taichō fought; the tow were a whirl of robes and metal and ice that reflected the sun –

Suddenly, Hitsugaya-taichō doubled over – Aizen had stabbed him. Since he was bent over, it was impossible to tell exactly where, but it must have been serious, for he faltered, then fell.

There were cries of dismay as Hitsugaya-taichō tumbled head over heels towards the ground.

Aizen began to descend as well, slowly, almost casually, in no hurry, certain of victory.

And that was when Hitsugaya-taichō righted himself and shot right back up towards him – clearly not as hurt as he'd pretended to be.

He flew up impossibly fast, and he'd timed it perfectly – Aizen barely had time to register what had just happened before Hitsugaya-taichō's blade stabbed into his stomach; the tip protruded from between his shoulderblades – a ceratin-death strike.

There was a resonating clatter of metal as the remaining Arrancar threw their swords to the ground.

Just like that, it _was _over – but not in the way any of us had expected.

_**Hinamori Momo**_

___"Nooooooo!" _I screamed, but my voice was lost in the ring of metal against unforgiving earth. I leaped to my feet, but found that to be a mistake as my head spun and I started coughing. Covering my mouth, I felt something warm and wet and sticky against my hand. I pulled it away to see dark blood staining my palm. I became even dizzier, and my vision began to turn grey at the edges.

In seconds, there was black, only black, black as crow's wings.

_Hitsugaya-kun --- you --- killed ---_

_Why?_

_Why?!_

_Why…?_

**A/N: So! There you go! Haha this is like "Oblivion"…Momo passing out at the end of the first chapter! Hahaha…Please review and let me know what you thought…and, if you're new to my fics, feel free to check out my other ones as well, and send me some feedback:)**

**Hope to see you back next chapter! Peace!**

**~Raye Lynne**


	2. Chapter 2: Bloody Blade of Consequence

A/N: Never fear; I am back! I'm sorry for the long break; thank you for being so patient! I owe a large round of thank-yous, it would seem. So hugs and high-fives to the following: Alissa, KnowledgeandImagination, kRyStAlt3aRz, Tomoshibi-chan, yozo, Flurry of Freezing Flames, NaruHinaFanboy, Oborochann339, Himlis, ElRusso, and Lady Krystalyn!! Hope you guys enjoy!

…and hope everyone else enjoys, too:)

**Chapter 2: Bloody Blade of Consequence**

_**Hitsugaya T**__**ō**__**shir**__**ō**_

__It was a curious sensation; the moment my feet touched the ground, I was swarmed by people. I could feel the vibrations in the air of them screaming and cheering, but I could strangely hear nothing. I turned my head, feeling as though I were moving through water, searching – but there was only a sea of suddenly unfamiliar faces.

My left hand was pressed against my abdomen; the palm burned, and hot sticky blood seeped between my fingers. A jolt of dizziness shot between my temples, and I swayed slightly. I was jostled from all sides, and it felt as though I were being partially knocked from my body. Like a string had been attached to my wrist, my hand pulled itself away from my stomach and turned over, revealing itself to be slick and shiny with crimson.

All my limbs felt so heavy…tendrils of fire slowly leeched from the wound, throughout my bloodstream, and I swayed again as my chest became tight and I found myself short of breath. An arm pressed against my back for support and suddenly all was dark.

I awoke hours later in the infirmary, and for a moment, I had a dazed notion that it had all been nothing but a dream.

If only…

_**Hinamori Momo**_

_How could you?!_

_I thought we were friends! But you didn't trust me – and you killed Aizen-taichō for it! How--? Why--?_

_You were my friend, but you betrayed me. Aizen-taichō was no traitor; you are!_

_I'll never forgive you, Hitsugaya Tōshirō!_

_**Kira Izuru**_

__Hinamori-kun was ditting up in her cot. From what I could tell, her wounds were healing, but her face was ghostly pale; her hair disheveled, and her eyes scarlet-rimmed from exhaustion – and, without a doubt, innumerable tears.

When I entered the room, however, she put a smile on. "Kira-kun! You're well again!"

A pang shot through my heart. She'd suffered so much, far more than she would allow herself to realize, and yet she acted so brave through it all. If Hinamori-kun was one thing, it was loyal to those close to her, and completely selfless.

'I am," I replied. "You look…better."

Her smile vanished. "I keep waiting for when I'm going to wake up from this nightmare," she whispered. "But…I haven't yet. And I'm—I'm afraid I'm not going to." She met my eyes, her own shining. "This – this is real, isn't it? Oh, Kira-kun –" her voice rose in distress; her hands fluttered over the sheets like two pale dying birds. Her fingertips were blue. She made a muted choking sound, holding back a sob.

I knelt down at her side, taking her hands in mine to warm them. "You can cry if you want to," I said as gently as I could. "Maybe you'll feel better."

Blinking furiously, she shook her head.

'I would feel bad…if I cried in front of you Kira-kun. You are suffering, too – you lost someone important to you, too."

_Yes._

"Even if Ichimaru-taichō did some very bad things…he was still very important to you, wasn't he? Like a mentor, or a certain special kind of friend."

I nodded, words beyond me. I was reeling with an assortment of emotions. I'd been furious at him for betraying us. I was angry and resentful that I hadn't got to tell him so before he died. And…I was grieving him, also. The man who'd taught me so much, abandoned me, only to return and be killed before my eyes. Was it possible, then, that I'd lost even more than Hinamori-kun? Everything she'd been through with Aizen had been part of his lie. What I'd had was real…there was something to have been lost.

One look in Hinamori-kun's eyes returned me to sense, however. Everything _had_ been real, to her…

"Kira-kun?"

"--Yes."

"You're—not – angry at Aizen-taichō, are you? Because he only killed Ichimaru-taichō to save us – because it was Ichimaru-taichō who made him do bad things he didn't want to. Not Aizen-taichō…like everyone else keeps saying…he's innocent! I know it!" she cried fervently, clasping my hands tightly. "Nobody believes me; everyone thinks it was all his fault, that he _deserved _to die! But you know it's true…_you're_ the one who was betrayed by your captain, not _me_; _you_ believe me, don't you, Kira-kun?"

Her grip was nearly painful now, but not as painful as the sensation of my heart breaking. Aizen had played us all like pawns, doing and saying and acting exactly what and how he wanted. I'd been made to hurt Hinamori-kun so much…I couldn't stand to do it anymore. She was so valuable a friend to me; I cared very deeply for her and the thought of having her angry at me…losing her again…

_I will keep her as close as possible…never letting go again._

'Of course. Of course I believe you, Hinamori-kun."

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

__Matsumoto had not yet been allowed to awaken. The medics were keeping her under a series of kidō that kept her in a comatose state, from which it would be dangerous to revive her until the twelfth division competed the artificial organs to replace those she had lost. It would take a few more days to perfect them to the point of where there was no chance of rejection. In the meantime, I was told she was doing as well as could be expected. However, she was not allowed visitors.

I was permitted to see Hinamori, though. She was very nearly well and would be released in a matter of days.

_All the more reason to see her now…I can talk to her, and she won't be able to walk away…or try to attack me…maybe I can get her to listen…_

When I entered the room, she looked up; the instant she recognized me, she impaled me with a glare that smouldered with lethal intensity.

"Get out," she hissed.

"Hinamori –"

'Get out! I don't want to talk to you; I don't even want to see your face ever again after what you did! Go away!"

'No."

She sprang off the cot, coming at me while swinging her arm back. I took her wrist firmly and gave her a pointed look. She tore her arm away and stepped back, her eyes blazing with fury.

'You have to listen."

'Why should I listen to a murderer?!" she spat.

'If I'm a murderer, then so is every shinigami in the Gotei –"

'No! You killed Aizen-taichō; he was innocent!"

"He was the furthest thing from it, Hinamori; you have to stop—"

"Don't say those things!"

"It's the truth! You have to –"

"I can believe what I want! None of you knew Aizen-taichō like I did; I was closest to him –"

"And that's why you were being lied to the most of all."

"_You're _the one who's lying to me! Stop it!"

"How can you say—"

"_!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

"—"

"How can you do this to me?! I'm the one who has to suffer now, because you had to jump in and try to be everyone's hero—"

"That's not even close to true!"

"You are supposed to be my best friend, but you're nothing but a murderer---"

"No--!"

"You are nothing but a _filthy murderer _and a _traitor _and _I hate you!!"_

A pause.

"I'm sorry, Hinamori. You don't know how sorry –"

"It won't change what you--!"

"I am _not_ talking about _that_. I'm sorry for what's been done to you. For what you've gone through, what you've been told, what you've been made to think and do and believe. But I am not sorry for what I did."

"You--!"

"If I could do it over again," I snarled through gritted teeth, "believe me, I would not hesitate for an instant."

"How dare you--!"

"Hinamori. Aizen was nothing that can be described as 'good'. He was a cunning and sadistic madman who was a genius at manipulating people. He was manipulating you; all along he was only pretending –"

"_STOP LYING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

I lost it. "Goddamn your stubbornness!! How the hell could I _possibly_ benefit from lying to you right now?! If you could open your eyes for _one second_ – Aizen may have convinced you he was someone he wasn't, but you, you _fool_, are the only one blinding yourself! Do you realize what has happened to you?! You've become unrecognizable; you're so fucked up in the head –"

_SMACK._

A subdued burning was spreading across my face; surely there was a red mark on my cheek in the shape of Hinamori's hand. Her eyes flamed with black fire; the look she gave me was pure, opaque hatred, impenetrable by her own refusal to see –

My anger took over me for a second; I lashed out, grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her into the wall, pinning her there. She cried out; I could see now there was genuine fear in her eyes, and I could only imagine the look on my face.

Slowly, I came to my senses. I pulled myself away and hurried out of the room, without looking back. My hands were shaking.

* * *

A/N: There we have it! Please spread the love – leave a review! ^^

Til next time,

~Raye Lynne :D


	3. Chapter 3: Never Again

A/N: Many thanks to KnowledgeandImagination, yozo, zx14ninja, Chibi-Lothlen, OneLife-LiveIt and MoonLightView. I'm sorry for not updating. I'm in the last semester of my grade twelve year…things are getting pretty hectic, and I'm so tired all the time

Anyway, here we go.

**We All Fall Down**

Chapter Three – Never Again

_**Matsumoto Rangiku**_

"Matsumoto-fukutaichō?"

_**Rangiku…**_

_Gin--!_

_**I've – always…**_

…

_No, tell me –_

_Gin?_

_Gin…?_

_**Rangiku…**_

"Matsumoto-fukutaichō?"

"…Gi—in…?" It was a struggle to open my eyes. My sight shimmered and blurred as though I was underwater and my throat was swollen, my voice weak. With effort, I blinked; my vision cleared enough to reveal the face of one of the fourth-division medics; his expression was one of confusion. An instant later, it relaxed into sympathy.

"No, fukutaichō," he murmured. "Of course, you would not know – but Ichimaru-taichō is dead."

My heartbeat ceased.

_Gin…?_

_Dead._

So – much – effort, just to keep my eyes open. Darkness was slowly closing in once more…

I tried to sit up, feebly. My body would not obey.

"Just rest now, fukutaichō. You're all right now; you won't sleep anywhere near as long this time, and when you wake up, you'll be just fine.'

_Dead…_

My chest lurched in a soundless sob, then the darkness pulled me under.

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

Hinamori had been released from the infirmary.

Our paths would often cross. Her gaze, sharper even than her zanpaku-tō, stabbed between my eyes each time. Who was this person? It wasn't Hinamori; that much was certain…

It was only pride that let me match her lethal stare. It was my pride that hoped her eyes, black with grief and shining red with rage, were too blind to see the fear in my own.

_**Hinamori Momo**_

You are a false friend.

You are a betrayer, a backstabber.

You are mad, unstable. Dangerous.

Not to be trusted.

You liar.

You traitor.

You _murderer._

Hitsugaya.

I hate you.

_**Matsumoto Rangiku**_

I wasn't even sad, not really. Partly shocked, partly disbelieving, but mostly…numb. Empty inside.

"Matsumoto."

I turned my head, slowly. It felt so heavy…

"Tōshi—Hitsugaya-taichō."

His expression remained impassive, even at my slip. Why I'd even bothered to correct myself, I was unsure. I often called him by his given name to get a rise out of him. Now, there seemed no point.

"I'm surprised you're not out of bed."

"Well, they don't want me moving too much yet…" _Even though I'm slowly losing my mind, being trapped here…_

"I can imagine."

_Oh…I said that aloud._

Tōshirō's eyes, as ever, revealed nothing, but there was a subtle catch in his voice that only someone who knew him like I did could detect.

_He's suffering, too…he and Momo were so close – I don't even know how she is now, but she can't be doing well, and from what I've heard...it must be hard on Tōshirō…_

…_but at least Momo is __alive._

He continued, "But-- you should know that – Ichimaru was killed by Aizen. Aizen ordered him to kill Kira, Hisagi, Iba, and Hinamori, and to start with you. He refused. And—" he closed his eyes, bowing his head slightly, "he paid with his life."

My eyes widened; my head was spinning. I hadn't known this…only that he'd been killed by that monster. Everything else…

_He died – so he wouldn't have to –_

_He died for us – for – me?_

_Oh, Gin…_

"Hi----taichō." My voice was thick with emotion; I could barely make a sound. I beckoned him closer. He approached, an anxious crease forming between his brows. As soon as he was near enough, I leaned forward and gave him an enormous hug. His body was stiff and awkward, and I could sense his discomfort. But he was someone to hold onto. With a final squeeze, I released him. "Thank you," I said softly.

"Of course," he said, with a slight dismissive air. "It's your right to know."

This revelation, while bringing some peace, had stirred up so many other things – thoughts, memories, _pain. _The agony of the loss of what was most precious to you.

Of course, Gin had strayed beyond my reach long ago. But there had always been that foolish hope…

Such pain --!

I sought emptiness – numbness.

Thoughts and memories, locked away and gone.

Away and gone.

Gone…

_**Kira Izuru**_

She was crouched in the hallway, her knees pulled up under her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs as though the quiet teardrops pouring down her face might tear her apart. It broke my heart to see her crying tears that, should they have fallen from my eyes, only been tears bearing confusion, guilt, and shame. Tears that I was too cowardly to shed.

"Hinamori-kun…" her shining face tilted up to mine. Carefully, I took her hand and pulled her to her feet. To my surprise, she leaned against me, as though too weak to support herself, and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Oh, Kira-kun," she whispered, her cheek pressed against the front of my robes. "You're the only one I have left."

"Hinamori-kun, I'm sure that's not true."

"It is!" she exclaimed, still in a whisper. "No one else believes me, no one! Not even Abarai-kun. He's angry at me now. Everyone's angry at me. Everyone hates me for being sad about Aizen-taichō, except you, Kira-kun. Except you…there's only you."

She tightened her hold. "Please say you don't hate me Kira-kun. Say you won't turn your back on me. Say you believe in me and you'll always be here. Say it now, please…please, I need to hear it, or else – I don't know." She started to cry again.

_If I say anything else now…she'll hate me. And she'll be alone. Neither of these things must happen. _

I pressed my hand lightly against her back. "Of course," I said quietly. "Of course I'll be here. I'll never leave."

"Promise."

"…I promise, Hinamori-kun."

"Thank you," she sighed, giving a weak smile through her tears.

"It's going to be all right. In the end, it will be all right."

"Thank you," she said again, letting go and stepping back, brushing her eyes clear.

Without warning, the temperature in the hall dropped drastically for an instant, then rose again slightly, but the hall was still much colder than before. I turned to meet the chilling stare of Hitsugaya-taichō. Icy blue fire raged in his eyes.

"I can't believe this," he hissed, his voice barely steady. "You – you are _perpetuating_ this!" His voice rose in disgusted disbelief. Even though the young captain's height barely reached my shoulders, I found myself paralyzed by his cold fury. "You imbecile, what are you _thinking?! _Are you too blind to see that there's been enough damage done _without_ your contributions?!"

"All I'm trying to do is help her, Hitsugaya-taichō. As a friend, I'm only –"

"Encouraging her delusions is the _worst _thing you could be doing!" he snarled. "If she's any worse because of you, I will personally make you regret it."

"Don't you dare threaten him!" cried Hinamori-kun. "I won't let you hurt anyone else close to me, ever again, you monster!"

"I'm not--!"

"Don't say anything bad about Aizen-taichō!" she screamed. "You _killed _him; isn't that enough, _murderer?!"_

"How can you say?!"

"Get out of here; stay away from me and stay away from Kira-kun!" she sobbed.

The wrath of his gaze met me once more.

"What have you done?!" He took a single step forward.

Hinamori-kun sprang between us, drawing her zanpaku-tō and whipping it at Hitsugaya-taichō's throat. "Stay _away_ from him!" Her eyes were blazing; her hand was steady.

There was a pause.

"I could have you arrested here and now," said Hitsugaya-taichō coldly.

"I'll kill you first," hissed Hinamori-kun.

"Hi-Hinamori-kun—" I rested my hand on her wrist, gently guiding her zanpaku-tō-weilding arm back down. I couldn't meet the captain's eyes.

"Hitsugaya-taichō – please. Believe I am helping her, in the only way I can. Please, trust me."

"Trust?" he snapped. He pointed at Hinamori-kun, and I may or may not have been imagining his hand shaking. "Before you, Kira, stands the outcome of trust."

_Hinamori-kun…_

It was probably just as well that he left before either of us could respond.

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

Time has a way of drowning us  
In the end, "normalcy" prevails  
And time passes  
We are swept away from what matters  
Losing control  
And time passes  
Upon recovery  
Look around; it's all changed  
Look in the mirror; who am I?  
The world goes by around us  
For time passes  
And most have since been numbed.  
But I'm still cold inside.

* * *

A/N: There we are. Can't promise when there will be another one, but hopefully you liked this and it will keep you for now…

Anyways, another reason I haven't been updating is I'm kind of addicted to DeviantArt right now ^_^ Check out my gallery if you're interested!

.com

Thank you for reading, and hope to hear your feedback!

~Raye :3


	4. Chapter 4: Darkness Surrounding

A/N: Thanks muchly to: divprince, MoonLightView, zx14ninja, Ayame666, chococat450, Valechan, and tearsXsolitude! :hug:s to you all.

You know, I think fanfiction could be like deviantART and get emoticons too! ^_^

**We All Fall Down**

**Chapter Four – Darkness Surrounding**

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

__A year had slipped away.

As though someone had flipped a switch, it had suddenly become "business as usual". The Hogyōku had been destroyed by somewhat unclarified means at the hands of Kurosaki and his companions, and the Arrancar were gone forever. There were, however, still vast numbers of Hollows to deal with on a regular basis; that had never changed and never would.

The larger issue at hand was deciding who to select to replace the Council of 46, not to mention the three vacant captain's positions. The convoluted and tedious processes of nominations, evaluations, comparisons, cross-references, discussions, and debates were extremely time-consuming, and certainly mentally exhausting on top of it. At least, it served a useful distraction.

After a year, we had constructed a partial council, but nothing had been decided about captaincy, which was not unusual for such a large-scale decision. Hisagi stood a good chance of replacing Tōsen as ninth-division captain, however. Kira had not yet been rejected as a third-division candidate, but the general consensus was that he was not ready, and the odds were not in his favour. Personal grudges aside, I was still one to speak against the idea.

No one had even mentioned Hinamori for captain. In fact, discussion had arisen of removing her from her position of lieutenant. After much debate it had been decided, for the time, to leave her where she was, rather than force the fifth division to run its affairs without even the semblance of a leader.

That time had not been quite so distracting….

But it had been a year. A _year. _It made my head spin to think about it. It seemed so much had changed….and, yet….

_**Matsumoto Rangiku**_

__The same dream. Over and over and over.

_There's you and there's me, darkness all around us. But we don't mind, because we're together._

_ The silence is beautiful. There's no need for words, and we walk into the darkness, unafraid._

_ I stumble. I fall._

_ You catch me, pulling me close to you, holding me with your strong, protective hands._

_ I stand, but when I look again – you're gone. There's only your voice._

_ "Rangiku…"_

_ The beautiful silence is shattered. Your voice, it haunts me, for I'm alone now._

Every night, I awaken, cold and shivering, with sweat on my brow, but my eyes dry.

Inhale, exhale.

Breathe.

Relax.

Don't think.

Away and gone…

Thoughtless.

Numb.

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

__I was worried about Matsumoto. She, too, had not been well since the aftermath of the battle. During her fight, all her organs on her lower right side had been damaged or torn out entirely. They'd all needed to be replaced, and she required regular check-ups to make sure they were working properly, so I saw her less often. Whenever I was around her, though, I saw dark rings under her eyes, and, though her lack of focus wasn't abnormal, she seemed distant and unwilling to talk.

I refused to press her, to try and make her say something. I could not blame her for what she was feeling. And even though different things haunted us, I felt an odd sense of relief that I, at least, was not the only one.

_**Kira Izuru**_

__"You're being an idiot, Kira."

I said nothing.

"In the end, you're only doing more harm."

"That's not true."

Abarai-kun snorted. "Listen to yourself! You don't even believe what you're saying. Now, look: I understand why you would want to hang around Hinamori after this whole thing. You're both upset; you've both lost a lot; I get that. Maybe I can't entirely relate, but I get it, all right? The thing is, I can see you're not helping her. And you're not helping yourself, either."

Again, I remained silent.

Abarai-kun paused. Something seemed to occur to him. "You already know it," he said, surprised at his realization. "So why do you do it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Fuck that, you don't! I don't know what your problem is, Kira, but you'd better figure it out before you end up dragging yourself down and taking Hinamori with you!"

"I thank you for your concern. It is unnecessary, however."

"It's not – well, okay. We're friends, Kira. Hinamori's our friend, too. It bugs me to see you both acting this way. So I think it is necessary."

"One year is not enough to recover from such a blow."

"You should have at least started by now."

"You think so? How would you know, exactly?"

His gaze was hard as he reluctantly answered, "…I wouldn't know."

I paused pointedly. "Once again, I thank you. I think, though, that this conversation is over, Abarai-kun."

* * *

What no one knew was that I needed Hinamori as much as she needed me.

She needed me to stand beside her and add fuel to the inferno of her passionate beliefs, to add the mortar between the stones in her wall of close-minded stubbornness. She needed me to be the justification of her delusions and to corral her, to keep her, not too close to madness, nor too far away, simply laughing and dancing on the brink.

Continuing to do this to her brought me unfathomable guilt. And that was precisely why I needed to continue to do it. This way, I could pretend it was the only guilt I felt, and the confusion that lurked in my heart, the ashamed sorrow I felt over the death of a horrible man did not exist.

I was aware I was poisoning us both. But surely a sweet escape would serve us better than bitter suffering?

----------------

"Sometimes I feel as if it's you and me against the whole world," said Hinamori-kun softly.

I needed her. She needed me. Maybe this wasn't how I'd expected it to happen. But to fight against a natural-seeming progression might mean losing her. Maybe it wasn't right. But I had to hold on, no matter what.

"I think I know what you mean. But it will be okay. We'll get through; I promise."

Then we kissed. I wasn't really sure who kissed whom, but it didn't really matter. There was no love there, no passion, just a need to be reassured of the other's presence. It wasn't as though it was the first time, anyway.

* * *

A/N: Momo and Izuru, thrown together in a whirlwind of grief and chaos! Whatever next? Please review, and stay tuned for chapter five! :D


	5. Chapter 5: The Lingering Agony

Chapter 5—The Lingering Agony

**A/N: Hello to everyone who is still following this fic! Well, it's been nearly two years since I've updated this one, so I won't ramble much. The sad thing here is, I've had this chapter written for AGES, but I just recently came across it again. Anyhow. Here we go.**

_**Kira Izuru**_

_It was a dream; I knew immediately. Why else would Hinamori-kun be lying on the ground in front of me, bathed in crimson, her skin bleached white, her glassy eyes wide in a lifeless stare?_

_My zanpaku-t__ō was in my hand; the blade was bloodied. But it wasn't Wabisuke – rather, Kyōka Suigetsu. I lifted the blade and the reflection revealed, not my own face, but Aizen's._

When I opened my eyes, the meaning was crystal clear.

When Aizen had attacked Hinamori in the Chuu-Ou 46 Shitsu, nearly killing her, I had been the distraction luring Hitsugaya and Matsumoto-fukutaichō away. Right now, I was the distraction again, this time luring Hinamori-kun away from the truth. Once again, I was killing her, though much more slowly. Doing what I was doing, perpetuating her beliefs in an attempt to hide from my own cowardice, made me no better than Aizen himself.

It was what I had known all along. Only now my conscience would make itself heard.

_I am the worst kind of person. No matter what I do…I'm so weak, and so selfish, that I always end up hurting her._

_No more!_

_I won't do it anymore!_

I clenched my fist for a moment, steeling myself to do what I should have done at the start.

_**Hinamori Momo**_

My heart was in my throat, and I could barely speak.

"K-Kira-kun…what are you s-saying?"

His head was bowed. "The only one that's hurt you, the only one that's been lying to you is me. Everyone else is right. It's me you need to hate, not them."

My mind couldn't make this into sense. "K-Kira-kun?"

He looked up, finally, and his eyes were hard. "Ichimaru was an evil man. But Aizen was not his victim. Aizen did not kill Ichimaru to escape his control. He killed him because Ichimaru was about to defy him. Aizen was the leader. Aizen was a liar, a manipulator, a murderer, and a traitor."

"_No!"_

"…Yes. He was all of those things, to all of us. He never cared about any of us, nor about you. He was pretending all along."

"No! Aizen-taichō was not a bad man!

"He was, and Hitsugaya-taichō had to stop him from killing you. What did you think was happening, when he leaped in front of you?"

My head was spinning, it hurt, so much, and my heart hurt, too. "I - don't - know…"

Kira-kun placed his hand on my shoulder, and stared right into my eyes. I tried to back away, but he held me in place. There was anguish in his eyes, but no sign of him saying anything other than what he believed to be the truth.

"Hinamori-kun. Yes, you do."

I started crying.

"No, no…Kira-kun, you promised."

"Yes, I did," he said softly, his voice weighed down with regret. "It was a promise I had no right to make. And you can't – you can't know – how sorry I am. I hope – one day – you'll forgive me."

We were both quiet for a moment, before I realized:

"Then…I really am alone."

"I'm so sorry, Hinamori-kun," he said.

I turned and fled, sobbing my heart out.

_Now there's no one…_

_I'm all alone…_

_**Kira Izuru**_

My heart was breaking.

But my conscience was clearing.

For the first time…I had helped.

"Alone," she'd said.

But she would only be alone so long as she forced it upon herself.

And I –

My own eyes were opening. And I realized I was not alone, either.

/

"Congratulations, Hisagi-_taichō."_

He turned. "Oh, Kira – thanks. I'm a bit surprised you found out so quickly; you've been keeping to yourself a lot lately – not that anyone can blame you."

"Well…coming from you, that seems strange. You - killed your own captain, after all. Yet you seem at ease. Was it really so effortless?"

"What're you getting at, Kira?"

"Your captain – what I really mean is _our _captains – they were mentors to us both. Even though they were corrupted, they still taught us many valuable lessons to allow us to live our lives honourably. While it feels wrong to be grieving Ichimaru, I can only wonder how you managed to – do what you did."

Hisagi-taichō was silent for a while.

Finally he said, "Of course it wasn't easy. But, the way I saw it, it was something that had to happen eventually. I'd already accepted it as a loss, and I believe that made it easier for me afterwards."

"But were you sad at all?"

"…Of course. What I don't get is why you have it in your head that there's something wrong with mourning a loss. I am sad for, not the person Tōsen was, but the way I saw him, and what we shared. You and I have suffered nearly the same, Kira. We _have_ lost. But we have survived. And, in the end, we will be all the stronger for it."

Had truer words ever been spoken?

"Thank you," I said. "You've given me a lot to think about. But..I believe you'll make a good captain. That is – you _are_ accepting the position?"

"Yes. All that Tōsen taught me has prepared me for this opportunity. I wouldn't miss it for anything."

/

I was alone, in body at least, no more in mind or soul. "Alone." I sat, thought, and reflected, letting the tears come at last.

_**Hitsugaya T**__**ōshirō**_

Time passed still. Hinamori and Kira, when seen at all, were never seen without each other, nor in company of anyone else. They had been thrown together in the chaos, and remained bound by fallacy.

Until Hisagi became captain of the ninth division.

Not long afterwards, I noticed Kira alone. First once, then twice – then, often. Hinamori was nowhere to be seen at all.

_**Hinamori Momo**_

_Everyone._

_Gone._

_No one left for me._

_I'm alone._

_They've all gone._

_Who do I have now?_

_No one._

_So, what do I have, really?_

_Nothing. Nothing at all._

_**Hitsugaya T**__**ōshirō**_

"Hitsugaya-taichō – have you seen Hinamori-kun anywhere?"

"No – why?" I replied suspiciously.

Kira seemed troubled. "I haven't seen her at all for nearly a week now. I don't know anyone who has. Since I – I told her the truth, she ran off and no one's seen her since. The fifth company is in complete disarray…"

A hard pit formed in my stomach; I had an unpleasant feeling about this.

"Where have you looked?"

"I've searched everywhere, inside and out, twice, stopping at her room at several different times. Wherever she is, she'll be alone, and that only makes it more difficult."

"You only searched today?"

"Yes…because, up until today, I could sense her reiatsu. But today, it has gone; she's concealing herself for some reason, and I'm worried."

My heart rate was beginning to speed up; something was terribly wrong here.

"As you perhaps should be," I replied, retaining calm in my voice. Send out a dozen hell butterflies to spread the word and keep watch."

"Yes, Hitsugaya-taichō."

In the meantime, I would search for her myself.

How often we'd played hide-and0seek as children! But with Momo missing in her state of crippling grief…this "game" could have much higher stakes…

_**Hinamori Momo**_

In healing, there were various kidō techniques used, but also various herbs, poultices, and potions. By removing my badge, letting my hair down, and cloaking my reiatsu, it had been surprisingly simple to sneak in and steal several dozen bottles of a sleep-inducing medicine. By the time anyone noticed they were gone, they would have already served their purpose.

Each vial, no bigger than my thumb, contained a powerful sleeping draught that would put anyone in a deep, uninterrupted sleep that would last the whole night. At least forty of them, unstoppered and empty, were scattered around me as I knelt on the floor of what used to be Aizen-taichō's room.

I attempted to re-tie my badge into my arm, but my hands were trembling, so I simply placed it in my lap. With both hands, I carefully picked up the wooden cup into which I had poured all the potion. My face was reflected in the dark red liquid, pale and drawn. My hair, which I had left down, hung somewhat lank and matched the shadows around my eyes. I barely recognized myself.

_I would say this life has not been kind to me._

I hadn't bothered with a note or any sort of a message. Noone would even care when I was gone. I would be alone, forever…but to be somewhere where it didn't matter…

The vials were so small, their contents so potent – for my size, even a large mouthful would be enough; I was pretty sure.

I raised the cup, resting the slightly roughed edge on my lip, taking a moment to feel my heart racing.

Then I tilted it upwards, letting the thick, rich, and rather sweet liquid rush over my lips and coat my tongue.

**A/N: One thing I must make clear: obvious question is – why didn't she just kill herself with Tobiume? Because, since a shinigami and zanpaku-tō are so closely linked; I imagine the blade would simply shatter if you tried to harm yourself with it, as the blade would die if its bearer died. I don't think this has ever been addressed in canon, but that's what I'm going with here. Plus, even if it is possible, would it not be shameful to desecrate your own blade, your partner in battle, with your own blood? Since this chapter was written months and months ago, I forgot that I hadn't included that in the story, but I didn't think there was any good spot to work it in, so I just thought I'd say it here, since it is such a gaping plot hole. Anyway, I think there will only be one more chapter of this, and I hope to have it up soon. Thank you for reading, and thank you in advance for your reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6: New Beginnings

**Chapter 6 – New Beginnings**

**A/N: Thank you so much everyone for your reviews; I'm surprised you guys are still following – surprised, but definitely in a good way! I present to you, the conclusion to this tale of woe.**

_**Hitsugaya T**__**ōshirō**_

It was very fortunate that I knew and understood Hinamori as well as I did, because I immediately had an idea of where to look. It was understandable that Kira had not thought of Aizen's old rooms; as a new captain had yet to be chosen for the fifth company, no one had been in there for months - why would they? Unless "they" were Hinamori.

I hastened towards the fifth division housing. After a few paces in a brisk walk, I found myself breaking into a full-on sprint, not really knowing why. But a pit of dread was growing in my stomach and I couldn't help but feel that I was racing against the sands of the hourglass, that I must reach Hinamori before the last grain fell….

_**Kira Izuru**_

Hitsugaya-taichō had seemed troubled when I had told him of Hinamori-kun's disappearance, which in turn made me even more worried, as Hitsugaya-taichō's stoicism rarely faltered, and when he let on that he was even a little concerned, it meant that he was truly alarmed.

Once again, I wondered if I had done the right thing by being honest with Hinamori-kun.

_Of course I did. The only right thing to do was to not have begun it in the first place. But there is no changing that fact. It needed to end…better late than never._

But the consequences may still turn out to be disastrous. If Hinamori-kun fell into depression or madness, or – heavens forbid – tried to harm herself, then I would never be able to forgive myself.

The only way I could put myself at ease now was to have faith in Hitsugaya-taichō and pray that he could save Hinamori-kun from paying the ultimate price for my terrible mistake.

_If anyone can help her now…it's him._

_I was so wrong to keep them apart._

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

I threw open the door, and time seemed to stop.

Hinamori was there, as I knew she would be. She knelt on the floor, seemingly in a trance, not noticing my presence. Her body was so pale and thin; her shihakushō seemed too big for her, like crows' wings hanging from a skeleton. Her hair was dull and unwashed, loose around her emaciated face, and haunting shadows of a vivid purple stained the skin under her eyes.

She was raising a wooden bowl up to her mouth. I had no way of knowing what its contents were, but I saw the multitude of small labelled glass bottles scattered around the room.

_Poison-!_

For a terrible moment I was frozen, watching as she tilted the bowl, and it seemed like I was watching in slow-motion as the dark-red liquid gathered at the bowl's rim, then began to spill over the edge, over her trembling, bloodless lips, into her mouth –

It was then when I snapped back to myself and, with a strangled-sounding yell, I leapt forward and, in a single bound, knocked the bowl out of her hands; the blood-coloured fluid sprayed everywhere. Simultaneously, with my other hand I reached around Hinamori and hit her hard between the shoulderblades; reflex kicked in and she doubled over coughing, spilling scarlet drops down her chin and the front of her robes. After a brief coughing fit, she gasped for air; I watched her throat to make sure she did not swallow. When she had caught her breath, she turned to me, as if in a daze. The look in her eyes was not one of anger or hatred, rather, one of confusion.

"Hitsugaya-kun…?" Her words were a bit slurred. "I – I don't understand…."

"What's to understand? I will not allow you to do this to yourself, Hinamori."

"But I –"

I crouched down next to her and looked her in the eye. "As long as I am alive, I will do everything in my power to make sure no harm comes to you. Even if it is yourself causing that harm. Hinamori, you will never be alone. I will be here to protect you, no matter what. Even if you hate me for the rest of your life, I will still be there for you, always."

She shook her head a little, still seeming confused. She tried to get to her feet, but couldn't get her balance and stumbled. I took hold of her waist to steady her and lower her back down, lowering myself to my knees to support her better. She had probably taken in a little bit of the red liquid, which I now saw from the bottles was sleeping medication. She had taken enough that she was probably about to fall asleep, but not enough to be harmful.

She tried to get up again, but I put my hand on her shoulder and gently ordered her, "Just stay down. I'll take you to the infirmary. You're going to be alright…despite your efforts."

"I—I feel sleepy…"

"You didn't swallow much. You're going to be okay."

Her eyelids began to flutter, and her body began to sink against mine, involuntarily. "I – almost died…"

"No you didn't. I would never let that happen."

She raised her head with effort, as though it were too heavy for her. She met my eyes, but her eyes were so dull with fatigue that I could not read her expression.

Her lips trembled as she tried, with the last vestiges of wakefulness, to form words. "W-why….—Shiro…?"

Then her eyes closed, and, with a little sigh, her head slumped against my chest; she was fast asleep.

I stayed like that, for a minute, cradling her, still reeling from what had happened.

_If I had been two seconds later…._

No. I would not think about that. No sense tormenting myself with those thoughts. Still, I could not help but glance down at her chest, to make sure she was still breathing, which of course she was.

As carefully as I could, I pulled myself to my feet and lifted Hinamori into my arms. Although I was only slightly taller than her, exhaustion and grief had taken their toll and she was extremely light, probably unhealthily so, and it seemed too easy to carry her the short distance to the fourth division's infirmary.

I vowed to myself then that I would not leave her side until she was once again the Hinamori Momo I knew so well.

_**Hinamori Momo**_

I didn't remember closing my eyes, but I opened them to find myself in a cot in the infirmary, and Hitsugaya-kun was sitting beside the bed; I was sure I saw his intense gaze soften when he saw I was awake.

I had no idea what to feel about him being there. He had rushed in at the precise moment before I was about to end my own life…but why? He knew that I wanted nothing more to do with him, that he brutally murdered Aizen-taichō, that I hated him…

…did I hate him? He saved my life, so it seemed wrong to hate him…but, after what he'd done….

I didn't know what to think.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Fine, I think," I replied, cautiously.

He nodded in response. "I've suggested that you be kept here for the next few days, and I am fairly certain Unohana will agree that is best for you. You are undernourished and need rest. And you'll be carefully observed for that time as well, after what happened…"

"Why did you bother?"

He seemed startled by the bitterness in my voice.

"Did you really think I would let you -kill yourself?"

"I was lonely; I was sad; I was in pain…what am I saying, "was"? I still am," I said, choking up a little as I tried not to start crying. "No one understands; everyone thinks I'm crazy and no one cares –"

"I do," he said sternly, but there was a note in his voice that caught my attention, though I could not figure out why it seemed so odd.

"But why? Didn't I make it obvious enough that I didn't want to see you anymore?"

"I knew what you were feeling. But I'd promised myself that, with the exception of my own death, I would never abandon you."

"But…I was so angry with you, Hitsugaya-kun…"

"Do you think that would matter to me?" he demanded. He had not raised his voice, but it had grown in intensity. "Listen to me, Hinamori: I have loved you for as long as I have known you. I made it my mission long ago to make sure you were safe and protected…and happy, if possible. You mean everything to me. You bring light into this dark life we have chosen for ourselves, and my heart may as well be merely an icy extension of Hyōrinmaru without you."

My heart was in my throat, leaping around in my chest like a frightened rabbit. Was I really hearing this?

"I can't stand to see you sad or in pain, and it was torment for me to have you hating me. But I could take it, as long as I knew you were going to be alright. And I did know you would be alright, because what was threatening you was gone."

_He means Aizen-taichō…?_

"I did kill Aizen. And I'm happy I did."

_I don't like this…._

"Because if I hadn't…"

"Please stop; I don't want to talk about this…"

"Let me finish. I'm almost done. If I hadn't killed him, if I had failed, he would have killed me, and then you."

"_Hitsugaya-taichō had to stop him from killing you," Kira-kun had said. "What did you think was happening, when he leaped in front of you?"_

_"I - don't - know…"_

_"Hinamori-kun. Yes, you do."_

"I would never let him hurt you, Hinamori," Hitsugaya-kun went on. "Not again. Not after the first time, in the Council's chambers. I thought you were dead then, and I have never known greater fear or despair than that moment. But you survived, and I knew that I would be willing to put my own life on the line to make sure I never had to feel that again."

My mind was a flurry of confusion and questions, and I could not help but think back to that day, that terrible day.

_I was lying in Kira-kun's kidō net, injured and unable to move. Around me, Rangiku-san, Hisagi-san, and Iba-san, were all injured, too, and Kira-kun was moving back and forth between us, trying to heal us, four people, all on his own. _

_Then Ichimaru and Aizen-taichō were in front of us, and Aizen-taichō had killed Ichimaru-taichō._

_No…something happened before that…._

_Aizen-taichō had ordered Ichimaru-taichō to kill Rangiku-san!_

_But…why would he do that…?_

_After he'd killed Ichimaru-taichō, he'd attacked Kira-kun. I'd spoken to him. I'd told him that it was alright, that it was over, that he could come back to be my captain again._

_He'd laughed, softly._

_"I underestimated you, Hinamori-kun…you truly are loyal to the very end."_

_And he'd raised his zanpaku-t__ō – why did he do that? – and began to swing it down at me – no please don't, wait, why, why?_

_Suddenly Hitsugaya-kun was there, appeared out of nowhere, facing shielding me with his body; Hyōrinmaru angled across his back to protect himself from Aizen-taichō's blade._

_I remember looking into his eyes, and their vivid blue-green held desperation, and rage, and terror, and something else I couldn't name._

_And then he threw me out of the way, as far away from him and Aizen-taichō as possible, and I remember as he turned to face the older, taller, stronger man. So much fear in Hitsugaya-kun's eyes! He knew he might die…_

_And then they were gone, in a whirl of robes, their blades ringing in a fight to the death…_

_But his eyes were burned into my memory…_

And they were looking at me now.

"I could not stand to lose you, Hinamori," he said softly, "and, as long as I am alive, I will make sure that doesn't happen."

_What have I done?_

"Hitsugaya-kun…" My voice was barely even a whisper. "You saved my life…twice….but - I've been so…horrible…to you."

"You were grieving. It's in the past."

"But, Hitsugaya-kun…I am still grieving. Aizen-taichō – just because he tried to – even though he did - I – I still -" My vision blurred suddenly with hot tears that I couldn't keep back, though I tried so hard.

Hitsugaya-kun rose from his chair and came and knelt by my bedside. He grasped my hand in both of his, and I was taken aback by how warm they were.

"It's in the past," he repeated. "But that doesn't mean – it's never meant – that you aren't allowed to be sad."

"I am," I whispered, my voice choking with emotion. "I am sad."

"I know," he said, his voice not much louder than mine, and more gentle than I'd ever heard it. "But it's going to get better from here; it's going to be okay. You're going to move forward, and soon you won't be sad anymore."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because – I'm here for you, Hinamori. I always will be."

"Even though -?"

"Yes. Because, it's like I said: I love you, Hinamori Momo. I will not rest until you are happy again."

I couldn't stop it; I finally burst into tears. Though not all of it was bad, there was so much to take in all at once, and I didn't know how to handle it. I thought Hitsugaya-kun would tell me to stop crying, to not be such a baby, but instead he climbed onto the cot next to me and folded me in his arms. This only made me sob harder, and so he held me closer, letting me drench the shoulder of his haori in my tears, never letting me go.

_**Kira Izuru**_

I was relieved beyond measure when I heard the news that Hinamori-kun, though she'd attempted to take her own life, was stopped by Hitsugaya-taichō in time and was going to be alright. She was being kept in the fourth division for observation and a psychiatric assessment, but her health was perfect, aside from being fatigued and slightly undernourished. Hanatarō-kun, in passing, was able to tell me that she was "tired, but acting more like her old self."

I had not gone to see her yet; I was not sure how I would be received, and I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to see me at all. So I'd decided to wait a short while and see how things played out.

In the meantime, though, a dark cloud of guilt still loomed over my head. Just because Hinamori had not had to suffer any consequences of my deceit did not mean I could no longer be guilty of having one wrong. I still felt that somehow, I should atone for what I had done, and all the pain I had caused – not just to Hinamori-kun, but to everyone around her.

But what to do?

It couldn't be a coincidence that the answer came to me right away, in the form of Matsumoto-san walking by. She moved with purpose, but she had a vague, distant look in her eyes, the same one she'd had for months and months, like her thoughts were somewhere far away, where even she could not find them.

And I knew what I had to do.

Matsumoto-san was the only one who had been as close to Ichimaru-taichō as I had been – and, I suspected, even closer. It was common knowledge that they had had some kind of a history that went a ways back, but the details remained pure speculation. The point was that Matsumoto-san was feeling the pain of the loss of Ichimaru Gin, as was I. But, as our pain shared the same cause, surely that meant we could heal each other.

It was a few days before I was able to approach her, and she seemed surprised when I invited her to go for a walk across the grounds with me. She accepted, however, and we walked a ways to somewhere relatively private, where we would be out of earshot, at least. The sun was low in the sky, and the air was cool. I sat in the long grass underneath a weeping willow tree, and Matsumoto-san followed my lead. When the breeze kicked up, I could catch whiffs of stale sake coming from her robes, and it made my heart ache to imagine what a joyless existence she must have been living since that day when all our worlds came crashing down.

"Izuru-kun, what is this about?" Her voice was soft, and not angry or impatient, merely curious, a little confused.

"I just wanted to talk to you, about something very important, and very personal. I want to ask for you to just listen to what I have to say, and if you feel that you want to say something as well, then I will gladly return the courtesy." Seeing she seemed slightly bewildered, I hurriedly continued on, "The reason that I asked you is because you're the only one I can talk to; you're the only one who has any hope of understanding…"

She understood then. "It's about…him, isn't it?" she said quietly. Her sadness seemed to have extinguished the light from her eyes.

"Yes," I replied. "You don't have to talk about him if you don't want to. I think it will help you if you do, but it's your choice. I'm not going to force you; it's not my place. I just ask that you listen to me, if you feel that's not too much to ask. No one has to know what – or, who – we talk about; it can be just between the two of us. Would that be alright?"

She gazed into the distance for a long time, staring at the sun, partially disappeared below the horizon, but she seemed to not see it, to be looking right through it at something beyond, biting her lower lip thoughtfully. Her eyes were shining, though it was impossible to tell if it was from emotion or simply from the brightness of the twilight sun. At least, she turned to me and nodded once, slowly and said, "Okay."

It was the same for both of us in that it was hard to get started talking, but once we began to find our voices, we found it equally hard to stop.

They say the dead cannot rest until the loved ones they have left behind begin to cope in their absence. I like to think that, that night, the spirit of Ichimaru Gin found peace at last.

_**Matsumoto Rangiku**_

The same dream. Over and over and over.

Or so it seemed.

_There's you and there's me, darkness all around us. But we don't mind, because we're together._

_The silence is beautiful. There's no need for words, and we walk into the darkness, unafraid._

_"Rangiku…"_

_Gin…._

"_I've always – "_

_The path divides ahead of us, splitting in two roads, going entirely opposite directions._

_You sigh and shake your head; your smile is gone._

"_Here is where we part…I have to leave you again."_

_So soon?_

"_I didn't want it to be this way."_

_No, stay. We can try again…_

"_I've caused you too much pain, Rangiku. You're better off without me."_

_No, don't say that!_

"_You know it's true. You deserve more than this."_

_Please don't go…_

"_I'm afraid I don't have a choice. I must go."_

_Take me with you!_

"_I cannot. You must stay behind, once again. But, this time, do not wait for me. Live on and find happiness. I don't want to make you cry anymore."_

_Oh Gin…_

"_I'm out of time. This is good-bye, Rangiku."_

_Oh Gin, but how I'll miss you! Is there any way…?_

"_I will live on in your memories. I will share in your joy and your sorrow. I will always be a part of you."_

_Gin…_

_We stand at the junction between two paths. You reach forward and clasp my hand in yours._

"_It's time."_

_My heart is leaden with sorrow._

_Goodbye, Gin…_

"_Goodbye, Rangiku. Don't cry. And know that I've always –"_

_I know…_

"_I've always –"_

_Oh, Gin, me too –_

" –_loved you."_

_I close my eyes to hold back the tears._

_Goodbye._

_Your hand is gone from mine, and when I open my eyes again, you are not there, vanished down your path. I am by myself, but, strangely…_

…_I don't feel alone._

_You cannot speak to me, or hold my hand, or kiss me anymore._

_But I carry you in my heart as I turn and begin to take the first steps down my own path._

_**Hitsugaya Tōshirō**_

Several more months passed, and it was Midsummer's Eve, and everyone was going outside to observe the fireworks. I wore my dark blue pinstripe yukata for the occasion, and Hinamori looked wonderful in hers, a blue-green colour adorned with pink camellia blossoms. She wore her hair unbound and the pink flush that had returned to her cheeks seemed more prominent.

"Tōshirō, don't you have anything more colorful?" Matsumoto complained when she caught up to us. "That's hardly any different from what you normally wear." She herself wore a brilliant purple yukata decorated with a lotus pattern.

I decided to let the first-name address slide, what with it being a special occasion. Anyway, the fact that Matsumoto had finally come back to herself was such a relief that I was inclined to be a little more lenient as of late.

"I think he looks handsome," said Hinamori with a smile. "You can go ahead without us, Rangiku-san; tell Kira-kun to save us a spot!"

"Will do; hurry up though, it's going to start soon!"

"Why'd you send her away?" I asked.

"Hitsugaya-kun…"

"Wait," I broke in. "Is this about what I think it's about?"

"It's just that –"

I interrupted her again, though I was not angry or annoyed in the slightest. "I don't know how many times we have to go over this, Hinamori. I don't want an answer yet, and I don't want you to worry about it, alright?"

"But, when I was in the care of fourth division, after you'd saved me and I woke up…you told me you loved me. And I feel like I should have to know whether I should say it back or not."

"I know you do, but I've told you not to worry about it. You have enough going on in your heart and your mind, and I want you to take as long as you need - which I know is longer than you think it is - to decide what you feel."

"But don't you want to know -?"

"Of course I do. But I'll wait as long as it takes. We have our whole futures ahead of us – there's no hurry."

"But, Hitsu –"

"No buts," I said, feeling a smile forming in spite of myself. "I can wait. I don't want you to have to say it yet."

"Okay," said Hinamori, seeming a little crestfallen, but she seemed to be thinking about something. Then, swiftly as the wind itself, she stepped forward and kissed me on the cheek.

I froze for a moment, feeling heat bloom out from the point where her lips had touched my skin, making my whole face warm. Hinamori stepped back, a wide smile on her face, which had a red flush. She giggled, and then darted past me. "Come on," she cried, her voice trembling with giddiness, "we're going to miss the fireworks!"

As if on cue, a series of explosions sounded and the sky was painted with bursting spheres of reds, greens, and golds.

Hinamori let me catch up to her, then took my hand and we started running to join our friends. Even once we made it there, she did not let go, and neither did I.

I don't normally care to believe in omens, but with the spectacular display before me and the warm, soft hand in mine, I could not help but imagine wonderful things the future may hold, and I believed I was living an experience that most called 'a new beginning'.

**A/N: So, that's all, folks! It kind of turned into a Fruits Basket-style ending, where everyone gets healed by crying xD I hope it wasn't too sappy for y'all :p Crying can be constructive, after all; it's certainly better than keeping everything bottled up inside. Do Kira and Matsumoto bond and end up getting together in the end? That's for you to decide. I'm totally GinRan myself, and normally I wouldn't think to kill off Gin, but this fic needed MOAR ANGST ;D**

**Next up: the much awaited Chapter 23 of my other HitsuHina fic, "Oblivion"! Not sure when that'll get posted, but I plan to start working on it ASAP.**

**For any of you reading the IchiHime B-side of this fic, and wondering if I am going to finish it…I'm leaning towards no. I have a ton of other things I'd much rather be working on, and I don't really have any ideas on where to go with it, but, that said, I still hate leaving things unfinished. So, we'll have to see. My recommendation, if you're interested, is to subscribe and hope for the best. :P**

**Thank you for reading, fav-ing, subscribing, and reviewing! Catch you guys in the next fic!**

**Love, Raye **


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